Keeping the peace between Brides and Mums

You have definite ideas of your own about your wedding - it's going to be punk, or an eighties tribute, or straight out of Jane Austen.You don't want any wedding gifts, just charity donations, or you want the full traditional works with the fairytale dress and the hotel spread. Or maybe you don't want a party at all, just the two of you somewhere in Greece or the Scottish isles. But rest assured that whatever your plans, your mum will have her own ideas!

In your eyes, she got married 30 years back, when choices were fewer and weddings were pretty straightforward. You went to church in a big white dress or to the registrar if you didn't want any frills, trooped off to a nice venue for a sit-down meal with assorted friends and relatives, then danced and chatted until it was time to say goodnight and jet off on your honeymoon.

Well, you might think that's tiresomely old-fashioned, but remember that her daughter's wedding means the world to your mum - it's a very significant milestone for her. And it's in your interests to keep her on your side while you plan it.

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If she objects to your ideas by saying that your family doesn't do things that way, tactfully tell her that you're starting a new family tradition. If there are minor points you can compromise on, such as tweaking the guest list for her or choosing her favourite flowers for your bouquet, why not? If you win the major battles, you can afford to compromise a little on the fine tuning.

It's even more of a minefield if parental cash is underwriting the day. If she feels that paying for the wedding gives her ownership, you will have to go carefully. Agree that she can choose the cake and menu if you can choose the venue, perhaps. And be aware that she may find it hard for you to take centre stage - her little girl isn't her little girl any more. Keep her busy and feeling important by letting her give a speech on the day, and help her choose her wedding outfit. After all, husbands may come and go, but your mum is always your mum!

For more hints and tips that will help take some of the stress out of organising your big day, check out our wedding information pages. They're an indispensable source of wedding planning tips and style advice for any bride to be and we are adding to them all the time so make sure you visit us again. And don't forget to browse Henry Kaye's complete range of stunning bridal and bridesmaid shoes, stylish formal boyswear, gorgeous bridesmaid dresses, and exquisite wedding bags and wedding accessories.