Wedding List Etiquette

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To issue a wedding list...or not? Well, it makes sense to follow tradition and ask your guests to contribute some of life's essentials. In years gone by, the bride would have stored up linen, china and clothes in her 'bottom drawer,' but many couples not blessed with riches would have started their married lives with the basics alone, and asking for a little help was seen as sensible and appropriate.

These days, the choice is a little more fraught. It can be seen as grasping to issue a list of desirable goods, especially if the happy couple is headed off for a month in the Maldives after a slap-up champagne wedding! It all depends on how you handle it.

Most wedding guests will still expect to give something, usually an object of practical use (all those toasters) or an object of beauty (all those hideous vases). If you feel you want to issue a gift list, and really need to stock your new home with kitchen, bathroom and garden essentials, why not limit individual expenditure to a maximum of 50 pounds, stress that it's an option, not an obligation, and contact a good store like John Lewis or Debenhams to help you compile your list. They'll take it from there and ensure that you don't receive three toasters, or a frilly lampshade for your minimalist pad.

If your guests really want to splash out and spoil you, though, have an eye for quality. Still looking at household items, go for the good stuff: Missoni china, or Royal Doulton, Egyptian cotton bedlinen, sterling silver cutlery - things you'll want to live with forever.

Some couples ask for a cash contribution towards a big item they're saving up for. While practical, this seems a trifle cold-hearted. A wedding is not a bring-and-buy sale. And it's also best to avoid asking for presents with a personal flavour, like underwear, perfume or clothes. Your guests want to help you set up home, not indulge your extravagant whims!

If love has made you extra tender-hearted, here's one last idea - instead of buying you a gift, ask your guests to make a discretionary donation to the charity of their choice - or yours - and really get a glow.

For more hints and tips that will help take some of the stress out of organising your big day, check out our wedding information pages. They're an indispensable source of wedding planning tips and style advice for any bride to be and we are adding to them all the time so make sure you visit us again.

And don't forget to browse Henry Kaye's complete range of of stunning wedding shoes (for brides, bridesmaids and pageboys alike), stylish pageboy outfits, gorgeous bridesmaid dresses, and exquisite wedding bags and beautiful wedding accessories.